Allahu Alvarez

Dead last in 2025 bought you the second overall pick. Make of that math what you will. Allahu Alvarez is a team name that requires no explanation if you’ve watched Yordan hit a baseball. It requires even less explanation if you know TylerR took him in round 2.

Nowhere to go but up: statistically, historically, and spiritually. Any finish above 8th counts as a moral victory. A top-5 finish and this becomes the league’s redemption arc of the decade. A bottom-3 finish and TylerR has some serious explaining to do at the draft table next March.

The upside is real. Last place teams with top-2 picks either explode onto the scene or find creative new ways to disappoint. History says it’s usually one or the other. This league has seen enough of the latter.